#9

Yes, peeps. I'm still around, alive and breathing (and continuously expanding wtf). My internet, however, has just died again. Boo Hoo.

I've been sober way too long. Will be attending the cow's birthday this Saturday. Jager bomb, we've been separated for way too long. Wait for me.

2 more weeks till I get my butt back to Kuala Lumpur.

I can already smell the har mee, asam laksa, nasi lemak, maggi mee goreng, roti canai, etc. The ones here can be good but they just never seem to satisfy my taste buds. The original taste will always be the best. Oh, and no, I don't like char kuey teow.

Considering the amount of food I will be consuming when I'm in KL, I've come up with the most brilliant plan ever. I'm gonna lose about 5 kilos in these 2 weeks before I head back, and then gain it back in KL wtf. So at least I won't have to feel gigantic and depressed and fugly when I get back to Melbourne right? Oh my god, WHY in the world am I so smart? wtf.

#8

I'm not sure if any of you remember, but I have mentioned quite a few times before that I am totally hopeless when it comes to cooking. I kid you not. However, as it was someone's birthday today, I decided to give it a go. This time, instead of just cooking one dish, I cooked a whole meal. Yeaps. Unfortunately, things didn't go as well as I had planned, and to be honest, I was rather disappointed with the whole outcome. Oh well, guess there's still plenty of room for improvement.

I certainly hope that you enjoyed the meal though. Happy Birthday.

I shall let the pictures do the talking.


Oyster Kilpatrick - cooked it for a bit too long, therefore the oyster wasn't as juicy. *sigh*


Almost dinner time...


Getting the main dish ready...


Baked butter chicken - way too much!!! Everyone was stuffed by the time we finished the chicken. It tasted okay, I thought it was a bit too dry. Heh.


Rocket Salad - something I have grown to love.


Mashed potato - It tasted okay!!! hahaha.


French fries - Thank You McDonald's wtf.


Potato salad - I actually liked this... hmm.


Baked sweet sausages wrapped in ham - Too sweet somehow. Oops.

That's about it. I'm such a failure. Hoping to do better next time. I want my future husband to be lucky wtf.

It was rather tiring but at the same time, it was all worth it. Once again, Happy Birthday.

Sorry that the plan didn't go too well, and for not being able to cook properly. I'm sure there's always next time. =)

#7

Sometimes I think that I expect too much, but don't all girls think like that? No matter how much a girl tries to stay strong and put up with certain things, isn't there a limit to it all? I'm just like any other girl. Guys might think that in order to satisfy a girl, you have to buy her expensive gifts...but really, there is no point getting her Gucci,Prada,LV or Burberry when you are not even able to satisfy her basic needs.

Unlike guys, girls need reassurance. They need to feel loved all the time. Even when you keep telling her "I Love You", she sometimes need more than just those three words for her to really understand how much you really do love her. Girls are just sensitive that way.

Gah. I don't even know what is the point of this entry.

I just really need to get my butt back to KL right now. Really miss having deep and meaningful conversations with my cousin, because she's the only one who understands me the most. Even when there are things she doesn't understand, she will try her very best to do so.



I miss you SO MUCH babe... See you in less than a month... I can't bloody wait.

#6

My eyelids are literally forcing themselves shut, yet I feel like updating my blog. It's 5.35am. I've been sleeping only for about 3 hours a night. Gaaaaah.

Anyways. Here are some random photos, just in case you think my blog's dead.



Sleepy and fat, wtf. Yet I'm still too addicted to Max Brenner. How could you not be addicted to their chocolate fondue?! ... Mmmm... marshmallow dipped in milk chocolate... Don't mind my bloated face okay. Nobody looks beautiful when they lack sleep, wtf.





My first time cooking. Well, not really my first time, but I consider it my first because this time I actually put my heart into it. I was actually nervous whether it'd taste good or not. I've always been more of a baking person. I can't cook. I'm serious. There was once I attempted to fry an egg, which resulted in me screaming and running away from the frying pan because the oil kept bouncing off the pan onto me. Wtf. So I was rather surprised that my first time cooking spaghetti turned out quite okay. The taste was surprisingly not bad too. Just needed a bit more salt. Not exactly sure what spaghetti it is, because I kinda just threw everything in and started cooking, wtf. Spaghetti with olive oil, chilli, minced pork, mushroom, garlic and salt. Heh.

Woot. I'm a housewife in the making. WTF. My future husband will be so lucky because I will be the best wife in the world, wtf. I will cook him breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. Even when he doesn't want to eat. When I fall pregnant, I will shove more food in his mouth so his belly will appear as big as mine and we can be the happy married couple who both look pregnant...

Okay, I don't think anyone wants to marry me anymore. I'M ONLY KIDDING. So make sure you marry me okay.



Max Brenner's warm chocolate fondue for two. Oh no. I'm hungry......

#5

Sometimes it's not that I want to compare. I mean, who the hell in this world likes comparing themselves to someone better? It's just that... there's just too much of a difference between that person and I. The way you speak of her so fondly sometimes, really makes me wonder. The things you've done, and the words you've said.

I am tired & drained out.



And really, I think I can't be bothered anymore.


On the brighter side, I'm saving up for this beauty.



AUD 700. Will get it in Melbourne because it's more expensive in Malaysia.
Just thought that I'd rather buy it myself than depending on someone else to get it for me.
Plus, I've only used my current phone for less than a year.

I'm also saving up to add a new pet into the family after I come back from Malaysia.
Considering the fact that my rabbit died in June and I'm not really prepared to get another rabbit yet, I thought of getting a...



Yes, a guinea pig, which I will name Chubby. Why? Because I've never had one and they're too cute to resist. Don't you dare oppose. Hmph. I'm actually thinking of adopting one from the RSPCA instead of buying one from the pet shop, but I'll see how it goes.

So many things going on at once. Might not seem like it at all, but I am awfully stressed and frustrated. I need to think of what to do with my education, where I should be heading and all. I need a part-time job, considering the amount of money I have been spending. Though I said that I'd save up for the Prada phone, I'm spending my savings like there's no tomorrow. Gah.

AND I know that you're all gonna tell me that this is caused by myself, but to all the skinny people out there, dieting (when you actually NEED to diet) is extremely stressful. No, I'm obviously not the skinny type who goes "Like oh my god. I soooo need to diet because I'm like 40 kgs. Like holy crap, I'm the size of an elephant". NO. I'm the type who actually needs to diet, for health purposes and of course, to appear more presentable.

Gah. Sorry for sounding so ...bitchy. I just can't handle it anymore.

I'll be heading back to KL on the 15th of December for two weeks. Who knows? Maybe I'd stay for a month or so if I could.

#4

Jay Chou has got to be the sexiest Taiwanese guy alive. Gaaaaah. Yes, I know, you guys are so sick of hearing it... because almost ALL the Chinese girls (even the non-Chinese girls) out there are drooling over this guy. He moves a finger, and he gets 108397483749874 girls screaming. He takes off his shirt and he gets 783479487928574897594875 girls stripping in front of him. Wtf. He speaks Cantonese and I melt. I'm sure other girls do too.

As it has been a while since he released a new album, I admit that I did lose interest. Tee Hee.

BUT.




He came back and showed us his talents through his movie, Secret. I absolutely loved that movie. Great story, great music, and we get to see Jay in school uniform! OMG. How sexy is that?!




Of course, I'm also in love with his new album, Jay Chou On The Run. I think that's the title, heh. I'm in love with most of the tracks in this album. Ahhh... I remember how I used to cry and cry listening to his songs because they're so well written and the sad melody just goes with the lyrics perfectly.

....It's no wonder so many girls love him. Haha. It's okay, guys, you don't have to be so jealous over our Jay Chou obsession. I mean, what's the point of being jealous? As much as we want to throw ourselves to him, it's not like it's possible. Plus, it's JAY CHOU. He can get any girl he wants, but that doesn't mean that any girl can get him! Haha, no need to be jealous, guys.

#3

Yessss, and so Slowie is finally 19. Unfortunately, she still has the mentality of a 3 year old child. What the...! So the wishes started flowing in at 12am. Thank You to those who wished me Happy Birthday on MSN, sms, friendster, facebook and through a phone call. Greatly appreciated!

Ayu called me at around 10am this morning...while I was obviously still in bed.

Ayu: Heyyyyy, Happy Birthday, Bitch!

Me: Huh?! Happy Birthday?!!! ... Ohhhh Yeah... My Birthday, hehe... Thank You!

Ayu: What the hell...

Haha. I totally forgot that it was my Birthday. I knew this would happen. Wtf.Throughout the day, the wishes kept coming in.. Thank You guys!!!

At night, I went for dinner with my family @ JJ's Grill and Bar, located in Crown. Lleufer the brown cow called during dinner to wish me Happy Birthday, causing me to burst out laughing during dinner.

The moment I picked up the phone, that stupid guy started singing Happy Birthday to me in Mandarin.. OMG. How could I not laugh?! ... He stopped after two lines, because I laughed so much that he started laughing himself.

Lleufer: What are you laughing at now huh?!!!

Me: Eh, next time you wanna sing like this, at least tell me first so I can record your voice!

Crazy. Hehe. Anyways... The past two Birthdays, I was not happy. Hence, I do not like celebrating my own Birthday anymore... which explains why there isn't a celebration or party held for my Birthday. However, this year, I managed to not cry!!! YAY. Finally. Hehe. Slowie is all grown up. =) ...... NOT.

Anyways...Presents!

From Daddy & Mummy. Weeeee, shopping time!

Charlie Brown bag from Karen, Sharon & Warren.

Ohhhh? What's this?!

Heart necklace from Swarovski!! I LOVE HEARTS!!!

Love it Love it Love it!

The happy chappy 19 year old.

Simple Birthday, yet I feel so grateful... and happy. Never felt like this for so long. Thank You so so so so much everybody! I love you all~

Oh. Happy Birthday to Ayu my bitch!!!

#2

Today is my last day of being 18. Unlike most people, the 18th year of my life did not exactly come across as enjoyable. A few years back, I was dying to turn 18, because once you've hit that age it seems like you're able to step out into the big society and blend in. You get to drive, it's legal for you to purchase alcohol and cigarettes, to enter clubs and pubs, and staying out late at night becomes a normal routine.

My life as an 18 year old didn't exactly turn out the way I expected it to be. I spent the 18th year of my life living with even lower self esteem (those who are close to me would know that I've always had a really low self esteem), watching my social life and studies go down the drain, going through countless emotional breakdowns, battling clinical depression. I didn't understand WHY I was still living in this world. I didn't see a point. It certainly wasn't easy for me... living every day thinking that I'd be better off dead. I lacked motivation to do everything, and spent most of my time at home, locked up in my own room. All I did was sleep, because I figured that the only way I would be able to reduce all the nasty thoughts that kept coming back to haunt me was by sleeping. The only way I was able to stop myself crying was by hurting myself physically. Although I did get a bit of professional help, things didn't seem any easier as hardly anyone understood what it was like to be living with depression.

Let's just say that I had to go through a lot of emotional pain at the age of 18. This year, I also went on a number of diets, to shed off all the extra kilos that I have gained during VCE last year. I gained 10 kilos (or more) last year by the way, I kid you not. There were times I refused to eat at all, but of course, being the food lover I am... it only lasted for two days. After that, I started binge eating again. There were also times I felt so emotional that I couldn't stop stuffing myself with chocolate and fast food. Some friends who have not seen me for quite a while commented that I looked really pale and sick compared to the last time they saw me. Make-up has become a necessity, because without make-up, I look awfully pale. That is how unhealthy I have become throughout the year. At one stage, I became so paranoid and self-conscious that I refused to step out of the house. Even when I did step out of the house, it took me about 3 hours to gather up the courage to do so. I just keep looking at the mirror over and over again. I also weighed myself more than 10 times a day. The dieting got so obsessive that I weighed myself every time I drink even a sip of water, eat, go to the toilet, etc. Obviously when someone becomes this obsessive, gaining 0.1kg will come across as unacceptable. Whenever I gained even 0.1kg, I freaked out. Refused to eat, and sometimes even refused to go out.

However, on the brighter side, despite being hurt over and over again in the past, this year, I have learnt how to love again....Maybe not 100%, but I'm glad that I am at least showing a bit of improvement in something. The past two months, I have improved A LOT... Thanks to someone who was, and still is willing to put in the effort to make my life better. To You, Thank You for dragging me out of the dark hole I had no idea how to get out of. Thank You for appearing in my life when I needed someone to understand, to love me, to care for me and to accept me. Thank You for countlessly telling me that you like the way I am. Although I still find it difficult to believe that someone like me actually has the ability to attract another individual, you've definitely turned my life around... and put my feet back on the ground. Without You, I am probably still living in that dark hole. If someone came up to me and ask me what is the most special that happened to me when I was 18, I would have to say that .. it is You. Thank You for everything you've provided for me. I will forever appreciate all that you've done.

I am now often out of the house, only weigh myself once every few days, no longer dieting, eating a lot every day, and not as self-conscious anymore. I no longer need to seek professional help, and am still in the process of getting my studies and social life back on track. Even though I wouldn't say that I'm a confident person and still have low self esteem, I would say that there has been a huge improvement and I'm willing to accept some compliments, instead of feeling disgusted at them all the time. Yes, I have gained back some of the weight (probably about 3-4 kilos) that I managed to lose when I was dieting unhealthily, but I don't care because despite being short, and fat, and boobless... I am happy. Of course I'm still planning to keep on shedding all the extra weight, but I will do it the healthier way.

My last day of being 18. I'm not proud to say that at 18, I've not achieved anything in life... but as they say, it's better late than never, right? The 2nd of November 2007 will be my first day of being 19, which is also the first day of my last year as a teenager! I can't afford to waste any more time. I want to be a healthy and happy 19 year old... and I will be. I have never liked my own birthday, but tomorrow, despite not having any celebration whatsoever, will mean a lot to me. It will be the day I leave behind all the misery and difficulties I have gone through while being 18...because tomorrow onwards, I'm no longer 18. I will be 19. A year older... and it's time to start a new life.

Who says you can't be happy after going through so much crap?! Haha.

Also...

Happy Birthday to Vivien Sam & Cindy Liew who also share the same Birthday as I do. Yes, they're turning 19 too. May all your wishes come true on OUR very special day... =)