#46

Dearest Por Por,

I have always loved watching you smile. Deep down inside I think that you've got the cutest smile ever. Although we've never been close, I secretly loved watching you when I was young. I never really showed much whenever you came around with Gung Gung, but really, I was extremely delighted because I only got to see the two of you once every 6 weeks or so.

Remember how you used to wake up early in the morning to dance cha-cha in front of the mirror and whenever I came into the room to laugh at you, you'd laugh at yourself too? I'd ask you what you were doing ... and you'd laugh and tell me that it was a good way to exercise. It still makes me want to laugh now... Imagining you standing infront of the mirror going, "One two, Cha cha cha". That's just you. Always so happy, lively and cute.

You were always lost, but still curious about everything. Always up for gossips and laughs. You loved chatting with your neighbours, and enjoyed sitting down with your six children (especially your three daughters) to gossip, gossip and gossip. You would laugh so loud ... that it made me laugh too. Just like how your smiles made me smile.

I loved how you tried to speak English to me, it made me laugh. Even better, it made you laugh too. I still remember how your "Kentucky Fried Chicken" somehow turned into "Dantucky Flied Jiken". I also remember how I had my then crush over at my place and you asked right infront of him if he was my boyfriend, but I didn't feel embarrassed or angry. I just thought that it was so cute of you to ask.

Besides always dancing in front of the mirror, you used to always brush your hair. You liked to make sure that your hair was neat and often dyed it black to cover all that grey hair. You wanted to stay beautiful ... not knowing that in my eyes, black hair or grey, wrinkles or not... You are already beautiful. I wish I could have that smile of yours when I grow old. I want to be as beautiful as you are =)...

It broke my heart to learn that you had some problem with your brain. No one really explained to me what it was. All I knew was that your brain will slowly shrink, affecting your movements and everything else. Not long after, you were already on a wheel chair. You refused to go out and stayed home since then. It's been about 7 years. Watching your health deteriorate reminds me so much of the Japanese drama, "One Litre of Tears".

It started off with a wheel chair... and then you couldn't control your movements... your bladder, you had slurred speech, trouble swallowing. Everything became really difficult. Every year I went back to see you, you looked so much older. It really broke my heart to see you on a wheel chair... to see you with grey hair. It hurt even more to not be able to communicate with you as I couldn't even make out your words anymore. However, despite lacking energy, you were still always smiling and laughing. You even tried to butt into conversations despite having slurred speech. Still the one I loved with all my heart.

Two years back, I bought you a gold bracelet. It was thin as it was the cheapest one... the only one I was able to afford back then. You had tears in your eyes when I gave it to you. I knew you were happy. I was happy too, to be able to communicate with you so deeply without even exchanging words. However, not long after, the bracelet broke. I still remember how you pointed to your wrist and slowly tried to tell me that it broke.

It was then I promised myself that I will one day buy you a much thicker, much more expensive gold bracelet. One that you will be able to wear daily without having to worry about it breaking off. I wanted you to wear something from me ... so you know that even though I'm not there to see you often, you're still in my heart always. I guess I will never have the chance to do so anymore.

I hate myself for not appreciating you enough. For taking things for granted. I still can't believe that I didn't even say goodbye before I left you the last time. I guess I kind of expected you to still be there the next time I come back. How stupid of me. You're now gone... and I won't be able to see you anymore... I never said goodbye.

The most heart breaking thing to me is to know that you passed away alone without any family members by your side. You must've felt so cold and lonely. Why did it have to be like this? Your internal organs were all very healthy... why did things have to go wrong somewhere else? You do not deserve this. You deserve way more than this.

Por por, I'm Sorry. I guess I will forever owe you a gold bracelet, and also a goodbye. As painful as it is for me to lose you, on the other hand, I also feel somewhat relieved now that you're gone. I know that you will not have to suffer anymore. You are now able to run free, instead of staying in bed and on the wheel chair at home everyday. You can now dance cha-cha all you want =)... and finally reunite with gung gung after 8 years. You've gone to a world where you can walk, talk, laugh as loud as you want, dance as much as you want, and do whatever you like.

Perhaps they really do have "Dantucky Flied Jiken" in the other world too, instead of "Kentucky Fried Chicken" in this world =)! Oh, and por por... remember how you slept in my room when you came over to Melbourne and scared me when you started screaming in your dream?! And when I asked what you dreamt about, you told me that you were chasing after a cat! You're seriously the cutest grandma ever!...

I'm still in shock that you've left us for good... and deeply regret that I never got you the bracelet or even said goodbye... but one thing that I will forever be grateful for is having such a beautiful grandmother like you. I'm Sorry I never really showed how much I love you and how much I really do care. Don't forget to stay beautiful and spread your beautiful smile to everyone in the other world okay? Although we're now in two different worlds, I know that our hearts won't separate. I'll just have to make slight adjustments to life. I guess I'll have to get used to not being able to see you anymore, but that's okay. Whenever I want to see you, I'll just look back on my memories of you =).

Rest in peace, Por Por. I know that you will be much happier in the other world. I'll miss you always. Could you please tell Gung Gung that I miss him too?

#45

Before you guys think that I've died and gone to ... err, some other place ... I am here to remind you that I'm still aliveeeeeeee... weeeeeee are you not happy?! And still looking as stupid as...



THIS! wtf. The boyfriend says I can scare people off. =((( ... but so can he. So now we're equal.

The reason I haven't been updating my blog is due to my stupid internet being capped... gaaaahhh it's the most annoying thing in the world I tell you. It took nearly 10 minutes or more to upload these photos... and I bet it's gonna take another 10 for me to actually post this!!! Yeah, thanks youtube, thanks!



Krispy Kremeeeeee. I don't know why I randomly bought a whole dozen home the other day. I don't even like it! ... Heh. I'm not a big fan of donuts but I love J & Co. in KL though! I think they're much, much better than Krispy Kreme to be honest... I remember lining up 45 mins in Pavilion just for donuts wtf... and no one here is willing to line up for Krispy Kreme anymore...

Anyways... there's someone I'd like you all to meet... he is extremely cute, and so far those who have seen him before simply adored him heaps ...

Well, I present to you guys....




Mr. Rabbit wtf. He doesn't have a name =((( ... I just call him "ZAI" which means "son" in Cantonese...heh, lame I know. I got him from a friend of mine who got it from a friend of hers =.=" ... My friend didn't want to keep him after like, an hour or two of being his owner wtf.. because her dog kept chasing the poor fluffy thing around... so I offered to take him home. I'm keeping him until mid July... and his permanent owner (I hope) will be the boyfriend's friend =)))!

He's sooooo cute! Even my sisters who don't like rabbits find him so adorable... and also other people who don't like rabbits.. just can't resist picking him up and showing him some love...

Oh, and he is EXTREMELY curious. He can jump onto my study table =.=" ... just to see what's there... and jumped into a huge shopping bag once... and he ran across the road to my neighbour's house last week... but out of all things... I think the bravest thing that he has done... is...

JUMP INTO THE TOILET BOWL.

Yes you heard me right. This little fluff ball was curious and wanted to see what was in the toilet... that he jumped in =.=" dear lord... Hahahha you should've seen the look on his face...and no, I didn't take a picture. The first thing I thought of was to get him out of there and give him a bath!!! Whyyyy would you even leave a rabbit in such a disgusting place just to take a photo?!! And that poor thing was already shivering his ass off. Everyone asked me why I didn't take a photo =.=" ...

I'm getting quite attached to him already =((( ... and only have 2 more weeks with him *sob*...Can't keep him because my mum said "101 PERCENT NO!" wtf.

...and in case the boyfriend gets jealous (like he does when I give too much attention to my dog)...

Here you go baby =))) ... Your failed attempt to camwhore. Seeeee! You can scare people off too =((( ...

#44

Tried curling my hair the other day by myself but it turned out to be a total disaster! Some parts randomly stuck out of no where, and the rest were just wavy... (actually I couldn't even make it wavy)! I somehow couldn't get my hair to curl up nicely!!! Arghhh. But oh well. I guess it was at least better than my boring old hairstyle. My hair's probably way too layered to curl.




See what I mean!!! It looks like my hair's all clumped up together because I haven't washed my hair for days or something, wtf.

My sister then tried to help but did even worse than me... heh.

She then gave up and suggested that I learn from youtube ... =.="!

Why is my hair so stubborn?!!! ... >=(!

#43

Rihanna - “Take a Bow” Lyrics

How about a round of applause
A standing ovation
You look so dumb right now
Standing outside my house
Trying to apologize

You’re so ugly when you cry
Please, just cut it out

[Chorus]
Don’t tell me you’re sorry cuz you’re not
Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it’s time to go
Curtain’s finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it’s over now
Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone
You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on
Talkin’ about, girl, I love you, you’re the one
This just looks like the re-run
Please, what else is on?

(Chorus)

Oh, And the award for
The best liar goes to you (goes to you)
For making me believe (that you)
That you could be faithful to me
Let's hear your speech, Oh

How about a round of applause
A standing ovation

(Chorus)


***

Shit, gotta love the lyrics!!!