#72

Sometimes, it's not only relationships that make me feel insecure. Friendships are just the same. I've met quite a few new people this year, and have spent quite some time with them too. These new friends are also the ones I have lost in the very same year.

A friend of mine I spent the last few years with has changed so much this year because of a guy, that I wouldn't even call her my friend anymore. Funny how fast things can change, isn't it?

On the brighter side, due to some of the friends I've gained and lost this year, I've on the other hand built stronger relationships with others too. Right now I'm also getting back on the path of rebuilding old friendships I have once let go and blindly did not treasure.

Just needed a rant.

I miss certain friends, but recently have also noticed that in the past I have spent too much time on certain people who weren't worth my time at all.

Signing off.

XOXO

#71

Hello. Yes, I am still alive. Once in a while, I have the random urge to revive my blog... obviously because I'm either bored out of my mind, or I'm procrastinating and Facebook & Twitter currently fail to entertain me.

What have I been up to? Seriously, nothing new. Same old crap like dieting, job seeking, blahblahblah even I'm sick of saying it. However I have taken it to the next level, yes... I am now actually a gym member (and yes I do attend gym classes) and I've been sending out resumes too!

The first half of the year's been pretty good. I was actually happy and enjoying life, despite it being pretty busy and most of the weekends I only had 5 hours of sleep! As soon as the second half of the year started though, things have been going down hill. I'm constantly bored, and still looking for a new job. The only thing I look forward to nowadays ... believe it or not, is going to the gym. I know, so not me. Even I refuse to believe at times.

I've been suffering from insomnia again lately, and due to that I've been getting pretty bad break outs... but hopefully things will change soon.

Meanwhile I guess I should end this entry and get back into the outside world because I'm only given one shot to breathe in this world, and who knows when it will stop?

#70

In a room filled with lots of dice, alcohol, microphones and songs, I laughed and clapped. It was a moment for me to sit back and relax, doing stupid, pointless things like playing dice games while consuming alcohol... and singing my heart out...but despite it all, I guess alcohol never fails to bring out the real emotions one currently feel. That was it. It somehow didn't matter to me anymore that my tears will wash away my make up. Tears trickled down my cheeks uncontrollably. The last time I cried like this was probably 3 and a half months ago. It felt awful, yet good at the same time. At least I got the heavy load off my chest.

Oh well. What a night.

Tomorrow will be a brand new day. Filled with smiles and laughter, I will be me again.

#69

As I have not been taking photos lately, there's really nothing much for me to update...Please forgive me =p!

However, I'd like to update you guys on my new pet... well, half my pet really, because I've always been wanting to get a rabbit but my mum wouldn't let me keep one since my previous one passed away.

So Kim & I decided that she'll be the main owner, but I'll still get to visit really often.

After talking about it for days, we decided to head to the RSPCA. I've always been a really impatient person... usually the moment I spot a pet that I like I'd want to get it on the spot, but I wanted Kim to understand that having a pet is like having a long term relationship - it's shitloads of commitment. It's her first pet so I wanted everything to be right.

...And so we ended up going to the RSPCA 3 days in a row, just to spend time playing with the rabbits they had there. Initially I had my eyes on a light brown lop eared rabbit, but he wasn't really keen on being picked up. Extremely cute, but Kim probably won't have the patience with a rabbit she couldn't pick up and cuddle.

She had her eyes on this small black rabbit, active and loves to be cuddled, but probably not such a good idea as her family might not like it due to ... I don't know, superstitious reasons.

Then I walked to the next cage and this big, round, white and brown rabbit running to the gate to say hello. I took a few minutes to have a good read of his profile. Male, desexed. However he's already 2 years old, the oldest of the lot. Kim mentioned that she wanted to name her rabbit 'Choco', and the moment I looked at this chubby boy I knew that he will be Choco. I excitedly waved to Kim and said, "Look! He's SO Choco!", but Kim read the profile, twitched her nose and said... "Hmm, he's already 2 and it says here that he doesn't like being picked up"...

Being stubborn as usual, I refused to give up. I opened the gate, got in and dragged Kim along. I smiled at the pair of innocent eyes looking up at me, bent down, and picked him up. He did not refuse. AT ALL. In fact he enjoyed being cuddled! We probably spent about half an hour in there with him, taking turns to pick him up and I knew I had succeeded in persuading Kim when I saw the big smile on her face.

And so hereeeeeeeeeeeeee he is:

CHOCO.

See what I mean by he's SO Choco? He suits the name perfectly. Choco is also TOILET TRAINED and extremely well behaved. Who says that abandoned pets are not good? Who says that they were abandoned because they misbehave? Well screw you because all they need... is simply a second chance in life =)... I truly believe that there's NO SUCH THING as a BAD PET... but a bad owner ;) ...

I strongly encourage everyone who plan to get a pet in future to get it from the RSPCA. RSPCA makes sure that all pets who come in are vet checked and desexed before being put up for adoption. So please, please... before you head to the pet shop to get your new puppy, think about all the ones in RSPCA who are waiting for someone new to come along and give them a second chance.

Mum thinks that having two dogs is enough, otherwise I'd adopt one from RSPCA =(... and a cat... and a rabbit... @_@ ...

#68

After setting my blog on private for the past few months, I've decided to set it back to public. Don't ask me why, I don't know either.

A lot has happened over the past 2 months as most of you already know...I've been to hell and back. If it wasn't for the help of you guys, I wouldn't have have found the courage to stand up on my own two feet again. Thank you very, very much to those of you who supported me through this tough phase. Even if I said a million 'Thanks', it wouldn't be enough to express my appreciation. To you guys, being there to listen to me may be something small, but to me it meant the whole world. I'm Sorry if I have ever neglected any of you in the past. I hereby promise that whenever any of you need me, I'll be there.

To those who are still clueless about what's going on in my life, J and I have broken up. Many were shocked and kept asking why. Throughout the past two years, we argued a lot, and towards the end of our relationship it became worse each day. We became really sick of each other, sometimes we didn't even bother to argue. We had trouble communicating. There was silence between us. When both parties become tired and are unwilling to put in any more effort to mend the relationship, the only other option is to end it. It was indeed extremely painful, yes...but it was also the only choice that was left. It certainly didn't mean that we didn't still love each other at the time we decided to separate. We did, but the gap between us grew wider, and it wasn't something that can be fixed. It was certainly extremely heartbreaking for us both.

Although this relationship has come to an end, it has also lead to many new beginnings. I've met new friends, and have also learnt who are my true friends. I came to see how blind I was during the past two years, neglecting those who truly care about me just because I chose to shut myself from the outside world and live in a world of two.

I've always wanted more of a balanced life... I wanted my friends, family and boyfriend to be a part of my life but for the past 2 years it really felt like I only had him, which made our separation even more difficult. All of a sudden it seemed like I was left alone in the dark and cold weather. It was way beyond horrible.

Since our separation, the time of the day I feared the most is bed time. Those sleepless nights were awfully painful, it killed me. I never knew that something I love so much (sleep) could turn out to be so horrifying. I trembled whenever I was left alone, even in public. There were times I forgot to eat, and whenever I ate I had to force myself to do so as I had no appetite. There was nothing I could do but watch as my health deteriorate day by day. I felt so much hurt and pain each day, that at one stage I became numb. I reached the stage where I felt nothing...I lost the ability to feel emotions.

Till today, I admit that I am still afraid to be too close to anyone. Our separation has taught me to treasure everyone around me, but it's so difficult being afraid all the time. Always afraid that someone will leave me. I've become insecure, I've forgotten how to trust. It's been two months but I'm still taking things step by step.

Well, that's my side of the story. I do not want any of you to judge him just because you've only been exposed to one side of the whole story. Our separation had a really big impact on J. There were many words he said which stabbed my heart, many things he did which killed me. Although I was greatly hurt, I was never angry at him...because I knew and understood that whatever he did to hurt me, was only to conceal his own pain. I didn't want to be selfish and think that I was the only one feeling all the pain. A relationship involves two people. Even when it ends, all the pain and tears will still be shared between two. Things were difficult for me but it certainly wasn't any easier for him. It was no doubt a painful and difficult path for the both of us.

We've shared many ups and downs over the past two years, even adapted to each other's daily routine. Now we have both got our own new lives. It took a lot of courage to end what we had, to start a new life, but perhaps it wasn't something bad. He looks happier now, and can go ahead with achieving his goals without having someone to hold him back. I have found my smile and laughter I have once lost, and am ready to go ahead with a brand new start too.

What we've gone through together has now been filed as history, leaving more room for us to create new, happy memories with someone else, while not forgetting the old ones we've created. We will always be friends, that's for sure. Some of you will find it odd that we're still friends, but I do not see a problem with that. When a relationship has ended it can still turn into friendship. I do not believe in shutting someone out of my life completely, not when we've shared the past two years together. In some ways, we grew up together.

J, I sincerely wish that you will be happy. I never meant to hurt you. If I could, I would take all your pain away. We both loved each other, but perhaps we didn't know how to express our feelings the right way, causing things to backfire. Thank you for the past two years together...for all the memories you've created with me.

#67

Just a quick update to notify you darlings that the blogger is still breathing and alive - however, expanding and ... ageing? T_T

Seriously, I've no idea why I have not failed to expand continuously and WHY I've become so much older/tired looking nowadays. It's not like I've been BUSY or anything.

Recently found a job and have been attending lectures so... I guess I'm kinda turning over a new leaf, hopefully this is gonna last. I'm not proud of my job of course, but the pay's not bad so hey... love the money, gotta somehow love the job too. I'm working part-time as a telephone interviewer, so basically I just ring up randoms to survey them and collect data for the company. Sounds easy but I can assure you that it's not as easy as you think. I get paid 17 per hour for the first 50 hours, and then 21 from then on. That's IF I meet the quota, which is 1.5 interviews required per hour...As I have mentioned above... not as easy as you think. So fingers crossed that I get to keep this job. If I don't, oh well, I suppose life goes on.

Went to Moomba Festival the other day and someone finally got me the Scooby Doo I wanted so so so badly since last year's festival. Hahaha. Yes I know I'm looking rounder, shut up. Now that I've got a job I've no time to diet wtf. I'm hoping that the fact that I finish at 8:30pm on weekdays will allow me to skip dinner completely and... lose weight from there T_T.

This is what I wore to the job interview. It was my firsttttt ever interview and I was so paranoid about it. I had no idea what to wear, what to say, or what to do. So I just took out my most formal looking attire despite the fact that I looked like a walking talking BALL in it. I rocked up to the interview with everyone else dressed casually including the supervisor and manager who interviewed us =.="... yeah, woo, go me. Well at least the walking talking ball got the job wtf. Boo skipped class to accompany me to my first ever interview, <3>sweet. But I bet he didn't think I'd get the job >=(!

It happened to be the brat's 11th birthday on that day too, and I made him this ice-cream cake the night before... looks like crap =.="...

While mum whipped up a yummylicious meal which consisted of fish, steak, cheese baked potato, salad and corn for us... it was orgasmic! There's nothing I love more than mummy's cooking. I'll be missing out on dinner so often now that I've to work =(... Sigh. All of a sudden I feel so much more grown up.

One of my favourite places to go these days - the dog park about 25 minutes walk away from my house... but it's been so empty now that autumn's here =(... during summer it's filled with dogs. Looking at this picture of the dog park kinda saddens me now coz I know I won't be able to spend much time walking the dogs anymore =( ...

Fried Oreo's I made the other day just because I thought it was a rather weird combination and was curious about the taste. Well... it was alright I suppose. I absolutely LOVE Oreo's and there are so many ways I love to eat them but deep frying these Oreo's are definitely not one of my favourites.

*Sigh* now that I'm working there will be less day outs like this too =( ... Blah I sound so depressed about working pfft but who in this world enjoys working anyways. I'm sure I'll have a smile on my face when my first pay check comes around. $_$ ching ching ka ching wtf.

#66

Picciez above from 2 days ago + Valentine's. Mr J took me for breakfast that costed AUD 2.50 which is pretty much like...nearly impossible to find here in Melbourne. Obviously the serving size was much smaller but it was definitely the right portion and I didn't have to force extra servings of scrambled eggs down my throat. I wanted to take a photo of it because uh.... I don't know wtf... but I felt so sick and wanted to vomit from looking at all the oily food that I didn't end up taking any... (felt sick because I was on lemon detox the day before that) ...

Holy MF I'm so fatfafat ! Even my sister's friend asked if I gained weight =((( .. Bloody PMS. My boobs are so sore now and have been sore for the past few days. Needless to say, I am NOT enjoying it. Pfft.

On a brighter note though, boo and I spotted a 50 dollar note on the ground today on our way to the tram stop. 50 BUCKS! We even thought it was fake wtf. I mean seriously, there was wind and all... and yet the 50 dollar note stayed right there for us to stumble upon it??? Sounds too good to be true, no? Blah, anyways we spent it on Korean BBQ for dinner which costed 51 bucks lol.

I told boo that if you pick up money from the ground you shouldn't spend it because it brings bad luck (unless you donate it). Well I ended up deciding not to be overly superstitious but the moment I got home I started having a sore throat @_@ ... and now I'm bloody worried that it'll be tonsillitis which I got last year... I'd rather die than go through tonsillitis again!!! It's really suffering T_T ...

Blahblahblah. I've persuaded a friend to do the lemon detox, and I'm gonna continue again next week x_X ... wish me luck peeps!